Winter depression: is it real?

Have you ever heard about "Winter blues"? Or winter depression? If you're living on the other side of the world, enjoying the sun while reading this than perhaps you don't. That was me, years ago before I moved to France. Winter is beautiful, snowy flakes falling slowly outside the window, hot chocolate under the blanket, cuddles become 100x more desirable (oops), skis, sitting next to fireplace, and so on and so on. 

Believe it or not, winter blues is also called SAD. SAD stands for Seasonal Affective Disorder, which to Psychology Today means a type of depression that sets in during the shorter days of of fall and winter lasts until spring that is triggered by the reduced number of daylight hours during the winter months, although other factors, such as cold temperature and weak daylight can make symptoms worse.

 

Wait, what could be worse than that??

​I used to live in a tropical country, with about 12 hours of daylight everyday! Well, you can take off several hours in rainy season but that's it! Nothing could prevent me from seeing the sunshine embraced my skin. I have to admit that, even if France may not be the coldest country in Europe, one month without sun is... quite... distressing. Waking up in the morning without seeing sunlight on the window makes me think that I didn't set up my alarm correctly last night. Wearing tons of layer to get warm outside, to be honest, makes me super lazy to go out especially in the nighttime. 

I seem like whining over winter, while I can't avoid it. It's there, there's no way I can escape from it - unless I go back to Indonesia. But it's just funny to think about it. I never thought that I would have such, experience (thanks to universe that let me be here for years). This is not even my first experience. My very first winter was so... good. It was a nice, not-so-cold winter with a lot of discovery in Europe. However, the second one was a bit harder, third one was worse and now I'm on my fourth winter in my life.
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So how it affects me, emotionally?

Well, it makes me think. A LOT. 

I already have problems with sleeping. I have light sleep most of the night and it happens because I can't get my head from thinking random things. But in winter, I think a lot more: I think about my family, I have more weird and have more nightmares, recently I had several dreams that people are dying... Horrible.

Then it makes me think about my condition, feeling alone and lonely, feeling no one can listen, no one can understand. I prefer not to talk, I prefer to put my headphones and denying to understand what's happening around me. Conversations are becoming awkward as I becoming more nervous in the day. 

Beside that, I cry. Often, a lot. Non sense, for no reason. Not so long ago, I just said to someone if he can  please listen to me, that I just need to cry. It's horrible to think about it. I'm ashamed, but somehow, I don't care anymore what people think.

So what should I do now? 

People, and even internet said light therapy will do the work. Light therapy is an artificial light, made to imitate the sunlight. A lot of articles mentioned that it is quite effective. However, it can quite a lot for a lamp, it can goes up to 300€ or almost Rp 5 000 000. Of course cheaper options exist, but most of them has shorter lifespan. 

I'm thinking to get one soon. I hope it can help me get through this winter blues.

Do you ever feel the same? Tell me what did you feel and share how did you overcome it on the comments!