Once you live all by yourself and you have plenty of time to think about about it (re: future), some thoughts will wander around here and there and they leave you hanging, in... insecurities
Life is not that easy...
Well, life is not a dream: when it becomes nightmare, you can't wake up automatically.
My second year in Paris, France really makes me thinking a lot deeper. I have plenty of responsibilities that I need to take care of, I have some papers to work on, I have some laundry to do (I know, it's life), I have some letters to send and some thoughts to share.
Just recently, like one week after my arrival in Paris. I'm thinking about how I see myself being an adult. Well, right now I'm a master (and magister) student, I have nothing to laugh about. Sounds too serious though but it is! I mean like, for the next two years I will working my ass off and then I will search for a job. I mean, real job. I can say I'm independent when I'm in Indonesia, I can work all time I want and to be honest, well paid because I can decide how much I want to be paid as a Tarot Reader.
On the other hand, right now I'm not in my «home». I have a house (an apartment that I rent, for sure), but not that suitable to call home. I'm thinking how can I survive after I get my degrees. How will I survive? How will I make my own money in someone's country? Speaking a language that doesn't even my second language?
Insecurities are the best things to blamed right now. I know. But I can't to plunge into it all the time. Hey, life goes on. Sounds so easy but try it... I don't know I should write it down here or not, but to be honest, I prefer to start writing more about my personal life because my followers seems to like it more (look at the short polling on the right side of this post).
Well the thing is, I will try my best to become more and more independent and positive. I will write more, share more, help more.
Life is not a dream: when it becomes nightmare, you can't wake up automatically.